Like he mentioned on his post, I ran into Watercolourboy on Friday.
I'm surprised I don't run into him more often given that we live close to each other. We lead busy lives I suppose. But again... he's homebound lately. WCB is quick to spot guys but this time was a first I saw him without him seeing me first. Weird, I thought.
I haven't heard from him in a few weeks so I assumed he was okay especially after Montreal's Black & Blue. Looks like things have turned for the worse though. He was looking a bit... ummm... under the weather. I'm surprised he's able to do his errands, let alone stand straight talking for 10-15 minutes in the cold with me.
He is internalizing everything. This would be one of those situations where I wish he had a significant other to snuggle with in bed and have some emotional release (even though that's not really his "style").
What WCB failed to mention on his blog was his shopping spree. When I saw him, he was holding bags containing two new pairs of shoes. Shoe-shopping therapy. How very Sarah Jessica Parker, huh? But, WCB is not the type to brag... about shoes, his accomplishments, his lovely condo... but bragging about sex, now that's a different story. LOL.
Anyways, I was just thinking of WCB right now as I prepare my work wardrobe a week in advance! I told WCB that for my new job, I have to wear ties. I know I look sexy wearing 'em, but the happy-go-lucky creative in me will fade away tomorrow morning as I join the corporate crowd. Sigh.
Tomorrow is my last day at my current job. As of Monday, it'll be another floor, another department, a new position.
I had the best boss ever. Though I won't be too far, I'm going to miss her very much. Tomorrow, she is planning a little something something for me. A surprise. I'm not supposed to know about it, but I have access to another associate's e-mail box. Should I still act surprised?
I like what I do (or did), but I'm not sure that complacency is the way to go for someone of my age (I'm 26). Also, this is where I met my best friend, Sunshine Girl. (I sit on a desk next to her.) For more than 30 months, I was very happy here with her. We partied hard, picked up guys, got drunk, and all sorts of good stuff....
My leaving sparks the end of an era for me, almost as if I'm ending my childhood phase and entering adulthood, the next step up. So yeah... end of an era... sort of like when Rachel moved out of Monica's apartment to accomodate Chandler (from Friends).
I'm ready to accomodate something bigger... it's out there.
Based on my previous post, this brings us to a topic that has danced around my head for some time now. If given the chance, which bloggers do I want to meet? I find this ironic that I'm asking myself this now. When I initially started to blog, I didn't want to meet anyone!
So here's my list, most of these are merely daydreams I suppose. Likelihood of meeting them are close to nil:
*Sexy Kevin from Sunny San Diego is at the top of my list because he's the only blogger (other than Watercolourboy) that I am in direct contact with over the phone.
* The NYC Crowd also easily comes to mind: Horse-hung Steven, Whimsical Wayne & Uninhibited Aaron. And there's new Uncle Mak who owes me a drink. (I think I promised him a lapdance too.) There's so many of you to name in NYC. (You too, Kyle.)
* Overachiever MeZack has been a fascinating bubble of energy that I have followed for over a year. He's on my list. I can definitely see myself partying with him whether he comes up to Toronto or I stop by London, or even in Dallas. Speaking of Dallas....
* I would love to meet Sam from Madlife.net and Sex-oholic Texan Ryan from StupidRyan. And there's Mark of Zeitzeuge.org, another fellow Dallas native. I'd love to meet him as he has one of the best personal blogs out there alongside Dave from BaldSarcasm.com and Hot-Toddy from Portland. All very good writers with their own distinctive, under-appreciated easy-to-read style (especially you, hilarity in a window screen). But then, I have no desire to visit your respective cities. Sorry guys. I'm sure you've got lovely towns, but how likely are you to visit Toronto either?
* Most of my readers are in North America. There's the brainy yet brawny ChicagoCrew, as well as the D.C.Posse, and the AtlantaHomies. If and when I get a chance to head to Georgia, I hope to meet blogger guru CyberKenny, and most especially cutie-patootie entertainment critic Chris from Boysbriefs. I could rape that guy. Oh wait... did I just write that out loud? Well, I guess I did. His smile makes me weak at the knees. Big sigh.
* While I'm on this thread, I would love to meet Bodacious Billy from Wet Dreaming. He's a wonderful writer. But who am I kidding? I like him for his... wit. Yeah, that's it. And let's not forget his carcinogenic tan.
* And Corky... I'd love to meet Corin. Yes I did my research via the nearest video rental place. A hefty talent! Ahem. And that thing he does to end every scene? You know what I'm talking about... yeah... where he licks it off the face? Yup, did that recently, and drove the guy insane.
* As for the WestCoast, how about Andy at TowleRoad? Could anyone be more handsome than he? Sigh. I told a friend that "I'm such a face guy". Gee. I wonder where I got that saying from? I want his autograph. And there's Jeremy on my list... if only he'd let me gawk at his beautiful boyfriend with those exotic eyes over dinner. My treat. Dessert too.
* And there are the few that I've already met that I would like to meet again: especially you, a personable funny guy, as well as a fan I met when I was in San Francisco (yeah you, Mr. Engaged!).
Wow! LINKS Galore! I meant to do a shortlist but I just kept on writing. I didn't realized there's many bloggers that I wanna meet. But there are more that I haven't even mentioned yet: London, Paris, Vancouver, etc... Wait wait.... I'm missing so many otehrs but all this linking is tiring me. I better stop.
Thanksgiving Holiday weekend: October the 8th, around midnight, sitting with my hot friend Scuba at Woody's, I notice a guy in a green shirt. He was staring. Whispering to Scuba: "Hey this guy looks familiar... I think I'm supposed to say hi."
Suddenly, I realized it was Uncle Bob. But I wasn't 100% sure. If it's him he'd say hi, right? Well, it was indeed Sassy Bob and he didn't say hi. But then, he probably doesn't know what I look like, and he doesn't visit this Shower Room either. Oh well. It would've been cool to have met him regardless. My regrets.
I mention this because according to Scott @ Sardonic Bomb who wrote 'Rules for Weblogs': "When [you] meet another blogger in person, acknowledge them in [your] blog. That's just being polite." So there!
I took this photo of wilting flowers in mid-September. This is a beautiful picture to illustrate that Autumn has finally arrived this weekend. If the crunchy leaves on the ground hasn't gotten your attention, I'm sure the cold weather did. Brrr...
*****
I had one of those weekends where I kept having emotional highs and lows. I was orange, red, then dark. Happy one moment, then depressed the next. It was weird.
As of Friday noon, I was fresh from signing the papers for the new position I accepted. I was scared and apprehensive, but I'm also very proud of myself to get to this point. So having said that, I really wanted to celebrate. But the person I want to share this moment with, Banana Boy, was unavailable - busy preparing for an extended work-related assignment in Central America.
And then, the part of me that overthinks things went on a rampage. I couldn't stop it. Oh god I tried. Essentially, my basic feelings were that while I haven't known Banana Boy for very long, I'm really going to miss him. I feel foolish just with the idea of missing him given that we are merely "dating" and we haven't built a solid foundation yet. I'm already investing much of my mind with this guy without much basis, so in a way I feel what I'm doing is a bit unhealthy. Anyways, Banana Boy tells me that he really wants to see me again when he gets back. Hence, things were left at "I'll talk to you soon."
On Saturday morning, I went to a seminar with my mom. She begged me to attend it with her. The non-stop testimonials made me a bit uncomfortable. I felt strangely part of a cult. This vague story is unrelated, but I mention this only to bring up my mom and that I was being given an opportunity to share my moment with her. As a parent, she would be proud of me and rightfully so - I want her to feel proud. So did I tell her of the good news?
Yes, but I downplayed it. I didn't feel like celebrating with her.
By Saturday night, I went to a friend's birthday celebration-turned-sex-confessional-slumber-party. I had a fun time, met some interesting people who talked about fisting and water sports among other things. Fun stuff... but I eventually left to go to a nearby club all by myself. Aw.
As a sidenote: I'm glad that I'm at that point now where I can walk into a place like Woody's and have confidence that there would be at least one or two people whom I can call an acquaintance or friend. I ran into a guy who I knew had a big crush on me. I ended up hanging out with him for much of the night. Got to know him a little bit. Totally cool guy. We walked home together. He talked about how much he's not looking forward to the winter season. I can see him shivering through his fall jacket. I wanted to warm him up by rubbing his torso, moreover, I was very tempted to invite him back to my place for a one-night-snuggle.
But I didn't. Suddenly, a one-night-snuggle has become too intimate for its own good. I couldn't share my bed with any faceless body. God, I'm so wishy-washy with this whole one-night-snuggle fiasco. Holy shit. So... I walked solo for the rest of the way home. I had a relatively fun evening. So how could I feel lonely on my bed? By the time I jerked off to sleep, I was fine. A very good night's rest was had. I guess that was my celebration right there.
Looking back at my weekend, while I had some happy moments with my mom and my friends, I confess I was at my happiest when I was about to leave the club. I was putting on my orange scarf that went perfectly with my red golf shirt and black leather jacket. I felt so chic, so beautiful, so gay.
Let this be my big shout-out to the world that the Shower Room Gallery is alive as ever. I have three two other submissions waiting on queue. I'm looking for more submissions. The rules stay in tact. I've been VERY happy with the reader response and submissions over the last seven months. Let's keep this going.
Having said that, I do have to apologize for the 3-month hiatus though. With my renewed vow to keep up with the gallery, how fitting it is to showcase Aaron from 1000 Words.
I have to give Aaron the prize being one of the most dedicated bloggers, along side BoiFromTroy and TowleRoad. From the stylized pictures alone, one can tell Aaron puts in alot of effort. Geez, I'm such an ass kisser because this is not the first time I praised his site.
*****
SUBMISSION #15
Here we have Aaron lathered up. He sent me this submission in early July so I'm a bit embarrassed that it's taken this long to post.
Aaron wants to introduce to the world his 'Bot' named Tom. (See here, I'm not the only one who plays with toys in the shower.) Tom, the 'Bot', was a birthday present. In appreciation, Aaron took this picture in the shower "and sent [it] to the giver of that gift with a note about the importance of having a clean Bot, Tom."
That's Aaron for ya.
So Aaron... if I give you a Matthew Rush dildo for your birthday, would you... ahem... send me your appreciation in pictorial form? If sexy Pablo is around, perhaps he can... ahem... help?
Blogging can easily be a full-time gig. I have so much to blog about, but life, work and obligations interfere. Sometimes when four or five days pass, I lose the urge to write about things and situations that could be a potential good read.
Anyways, for now here's a hodge-podge of little things:
* I received some positive responses on the topic of one-night-snuggle-stands...wait wait... I stand corrected. Apparently, it's "one-night-snuggles". Well, it certainly sounds better. I'm happy for the feedback, guys. Yourock!
* Big thanks to Deborah, one of my female readers, who sent me two poems. They were very personal and I appreciated that she's willing to share them with me. Here's an excerpt from 'Somebody To Love':
I will not settle
Just to satisfy a need
Because in the end
It is my soul that bleeds
* The Shower Room Gallery will be coming back shortly. Sorry about the 3 month hiatus. This pushing-38 Libran cutie is up next. I hope to have it running by the 13th of October. I'll keep you posted.
* There's a new girl at a nearby barbershop that will be cutting my hair from now. I used to go to a salon and spend twice as much. This new girl just kept complimenting me. That's how you make me a repeat customer... you have to kiss my ass.
The topic of my ethnicity came up. She commented that I didn't look Asian. [I don't?] She said I have 'Spanish' eyes [her exact words]. Then, I quickly recall having this conversation before. It was with WCB saying that there's something Spanish or Latin in my eyes. "You look Asian, but you don't look Asian." Uh, okay. Must be from my great grandmother, but that's so miniscule that I wouldn't count it in my bloodline.
So... can somebody tell me about "Spanish eyes"? If you're Spanish or you have a Spanish boyfriend, send me a picture of these 'eyes'. I mean... I've yet to date a Spaniard. The vain me needs to investigate this matter.
* Lastly, I keep forgetting to mention this but I am going to be an uncle again! Yay! This time it's my sister-in-law who is expecting. Date marked on my calendar: April 23, 2005.
It looks like summer is not about to say goodbye just yet. I took this picture yesterday during my lunch hour. It was sunny and I was in a very contemplative mood. I wanted to get away from the work piled up on my desk so I decided to walk to a nearby park.
It was peaceful.
Exactly what I needed. Now, I'm ready to party hard for this holiday weekend. To my Canadian readers, Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm so angry and disappointed that I was not strong enough to abide by a pact I made to myself last year. And last night, I was doing exactly what I warned myself not to do.
Good or bad, I'm at a theshold of something. Deep down, I have to believe it can only spell my eventual happiness. So...I'm excited for any outcome that might result from bowing out of neutral gear for over a year. I feel somewhat proud too, for wanting to move on. I've wanted to, and for a time, I did. But it's been an ongoing struggle.
I've blocked myself from fulfillment. I want to live. So I made my decision, and I acted on it.
I'll write more on this as soon as I see a resolution in sight. When I do, I hope it'll help explain much of my confusion and current emotional stance. And yes, I believe it gives a backdrop on recent posts.
I just want to love and be loved... for real. Is that a crime?
...Or maybe give me freedom, but don't leave me alone. There's a new persona I seem to be playing. Lately, I'm the "asshole".
*****
At the gym, there are the silent type, as well as the chatters who pretty much get nothing done. Mostly, I'm the silent type who go in, work out, then get out in 60 minutes or less. I wasn't feeling very sociable that Tuesday.
Ofcourse, I came face to face with *Flamer*. I briefly wrote about Flamerin a post last August. He asked me out. My reply was a friendly 'yes'. Weeks have passed and nothing came of his invitation. Even though I'm not attracted to him, I thought perhaps we could be friends.
As he approaches, I say hello. His first few words went something like: "When are you going to take me out?" "What?" "You asked me out, remember?" I was going to play it easy, but I wanted to be difficult. So, I corrected him: "No, it was you who asked me out." I think I came off like an attitude queen because our conversation was short.
*****
When I got home from the gym, there was an e-mail from Redboy. I see he's complying with the 'two day wait rule'. Good boy!
"I had a good time hanging with you Sat/Sun. You're a good conversationalist. Give me a call this week..."
I don't particularly feel like returning his e-mail. He waited two days. I'll wait four before replying.
*****
Later that Tuesday evening, I received an email from C.C. We've kept in touch since Pride. It looks like things are turning for the better for him since we last spoke two weeks ago. His e-mail ends as per verbatum:
"...I hope you meant what you said about my coming back [to Toronto] anytime. I would love to see you again. Take care Sweetie..."
That was a hint. He's waiting for a positive reply. I can tell he's hoping to visit me sometime this October. He's such a nice guy, but I haven't missed his company. I feel it's too soon to see him again.
It's only polite to call back or reply to his e-mail, but I don't feel like it. I don't want to encourage a long-distance relationship. Why do I have to be an asshole in order to make a point?
*****
I'm a walking contradiction.
If there is anything that can be confirmed in these three instances, the evidence is clear. As much as I want to share my life with that special somebody, I'm not ready to be in a relationship.
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