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Wednesday, October 06, 2004
A Fork in the Road
I have conflicting thoughts.
I'm so angry and disappointed that I was not strong enough to abide by a pact I made to myself last year. And last night, I was doing exactly what I warned myself not to do.
Good or bad, I'm at a theshold of something. Deep down, I have to believe it can only spell my eventual happiness. So...I'm excited for any outcome that might result from bowing out of neutral gear for over a year. I feel somewhat proud too, for wanting to move on. I've wanted to, and for a time, I did. But it's been an ongoing struggle.
I've blocked myself from fulfillment. I want to live. So I made my decision, and I acted on it.
I'll write more on this as soon as I see a resolution in sight. When I do, I hope it'll help explain much of my confusion and current emotional stance. And yes, I believe it gives a backdrop on recent posts.
I just want to love and be loved... for real. Is that a crime?
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