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Monday, October 31, 2005
Helping A Co-Worker Come Out of the Closet
"For me to finally have the courage to pick up the phone to call you, it's liberating!" The Lawyer tells me at the beginning of our conversation. Earlier that afternoon, he asked for my home number. "If I only knew you were listed on the phone book, I would've called you months and months ago."
To hear these words come out from a co-worker, I confess that I was slightly disturbed. I'm inclined to stay away and not entertain the conversation. However, my intuition told me that this is not a 'Psycho Alert' .
He pays me a compliment: "You're in love with the world. Anyone can see that." I blush. He further adds: "...you're so together."
*****
No, I don't have it "so together". I have my issues. I work on them. Then again, to those who doesn't have any, let them cast the first stone.
*****
Getting back to the story, one afternoon, a work associate who I am referring to as *The Lawyer* phones me from out of the blue. He is a tall, slender man, probably in his mid-forties, who I would never have believed to be homosexual. I've always thought him to be awkwardly innocent, polite and gentle, but never gay.
"Can I have your number?"
"Sure." I give him my work extension.
"No, no. Can I have your number?" His tone was hush hush. Immediately, without much more, I got the gay vibe. I sensed he wanted to talk in private. I was hesitant to give my home number, but my gut was clear: this co-worker needs my help, keep an open mind. So I did.
And just like that, he hung up.
*****
That evening, my phone rings. It was The Lawyer. He proceeds to tell me that he had a wonderful time talking to me during a social night a few weeks back.
Working within a government institution, the work environment houses a majority of mature (older!), family-oriented (with kids!) crowd who do not socialize with each other outside of the workplace (antisocials!). Lawyers, engineers, board members. They're mostly not an approachable group of people, most spectacularly when one meets another associate outside the office walls pretending not to see each other. Sad, huh?
Because my work peers (the young, single & newly hired) recognized this, we introduced a social night of drinking at a bar across the street. Everyone was invited. This was when I finally had the opportunity to talk to The Lawyer in more depth.
Aside from discussing a book I recently read and recommended, I didn't know what I could have said to the Lawyer that put me in such a good light. Yes, I am out at work. It's not a secret. I do not shy away from it when confronted (which I might add, I have been afew times already). I can only assume that if homosexuality became a table topic during that social night, I would have had a natural and respectful, heterosexually-relating way of discussing my side of it as a gay man.
*****
The phone conversation that evening started with a great deal of silence. I had hoped The Lawyer would tell me the main purpose of his phonecall. I waited.
To make him more comfortable, I steered our conversation towards books. We eventually progressed the discussion towards foreign films.
I knew he wanted to know more about being 'gay'. I dropped hints to make it easier on him, like shopping for a costume for Halloween night, the gay christmas. I told him about gay this and gay that.
It didn't work.
He wasn't volunteering. He's too shy. So, I finally asked him flat out if he was gay. His reply: "I'm still trying to figure that out." That confirmation was all I needed.
I then directed the conversation to talking about myself, about being gay, coming out, the gay scene, etc... I broke down a few myths that he had of the gay community. He also seemed to think that being gay will never make a man into a family man. I told him it doesn't have to be this way. Being gay is not "a make it or break it" to a person's identity. I reiterate that there's much more to people than limiting & labeling their sexuality.
By the time our conversation ended, it clocked at approximately 45 minutes.
"You're so open. I'm in awe." He tells me. "You're so comfortable with yourself."
I reply: "It didn't happen over night. It was a long learning process. Infact, I'm still learning."
*****
The Lawyer was so thankful to me and labels me 'an inspiration'. He tells me that he already feels that so much weight has been lifted. He feels so liberated by merely talking to me.
As I put the phone down, I quickly recall the time I came out to my friend Grace. It feels great to finally be able to reciprocate my thanks by helping another.
I feel like screaming. Ahhhhhhhh! It's liberating.
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