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Monday, June 13, 2005
The Unrealized Potential
I'm updating you on Muscle T, though not 2 months later as I initially predicted.
As promised, he has kept in touch. We have spoken (though sporadically) over the course of 10 months. We have started to get to know each other, though I confess he's still quite alien to me.
What can I say about Muscle T? I found him super sexy.
It's been almost a year with no physical contact, so why have I chosen to hang on to an image of him from last summer: a stunning buzzed brunette wearing a black tank showcasing his impeccable arms and adorable dimples... Yum. Wait, I lost track of where I was heading with this (wiping off my drool)...
Back to my point: why have I remained in contact with Muscle-T? The answer: the simple reason of curiosity. I'm fascinated in exploring and realizing what we could have together. I label Muscle-T as an "unrealized potential".
I'm not specifically referring to exploring romance or automatically equating unbelievable sex as a by-product of our reunion, but it's not everyday you encounter someone you feel a special connection with at first meet. Yes, physical connection, but more importantly, an intangible connection of sorts that I can't put into words.
If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. At present, it doesn't look like it is.
I can not justify flying south to a rural American town to visit him. Common sense takes over. It's too silly too soon at this point. And while I have invited Muscle-T to come up north to stay with me here in the city, he has been sidelined with injuries for the past 6 months. He has not been great, not in the best stance of his life, emotionally and physically. He has been off the gym. Apparently, the prospect of seeing me again is intimidating. Me? Intimidating? Since when?
I guess he just prefers that I see him when he's faring better in all counts, buffed up and in good spirits. I understand where he's coming from. But to impress me? I was disappointed to hear that.
You can impress me with the deepness of your smile, that despite the circumstances, a silly grin, a friendly face, a contagious laugh, do all this in remembering who you are and who you want to be. Do this, and surely you leave me no choice but to smile back. At that point, you may have just won me over.
But it is the here and now. And right now, it's not meant to be.
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