|
Monday, April 25, 2005
Cumming on Our Own Terms, We Co-Miserate
Dear Scuba;
Yes, we know better but we still did alot of stupid shit this weekend, didn't we? Nonetheless, it was crazy fun getting drunk with you.
Fuck! Why do we do this to ourselves? We've held on to people that do not deserve us. I cringe because of the pathetic things we do. Why do we plead to be loved? We shouldn't have to. We are led to desperate actions where we'd sink in embarrassment if we ever confess to anybody else. (I'm still sinking in shame!)
We're loving.
We're beautiful, inside and out.
We're smart. Why can't we be smart?
We're funny. But we're not laughing, are we?.
We're hot. But, we're not getting good sex either.
We're happy people, but lately why is our happiness highly dependent with the men in our lives. I mean... there's so much going for us!
You Scuba,
You gave him 3 years of your life. You've been patient all this time. When you asked him to move in 18 months ago so you can have more time together to further your relationship, he said it was too soon. A year later, nothing has changed and the relationship has not grown. He's become too content with seeing you once a week... And he's only a 10 minute drive away!
I understand your frustration. You're getting older, you want to start settling down. You're crazy about him. You give, give and give, and he doesn't want to meet you halfway. That's just not fair.
I'm not any different, am I? I'm attracted to a man (MM) who can't appreciate me either. He has... [fill this space with MM's bullshit]. And I've had enough of mind games. I tire of it.
But t'was a fun gloomy rainy weekend, wasn't it?
It was fun stalking our men together.
It was fun driving by MM's place at 3am to see if he was home. (And he was, but he wasn't alone, was he?)
It was fun hacking through your boyfriend ex-boyfriend's e-mail.
But it wasn't much fun when we finally read confirmation of his "wandering eye".
I know the thought of this made you feel like puking all weekend. T'wasn't fun.
And surely, it wasn't fun when he lied to you in the car yesterday when you asked him what he did this weekend. What a sight it was to bring up real proof of his lies, confronting him with his e-mails I printed for you. Sure, we shouldn't be hacking through other people's emails but the asshole had it coming.
I co-miserate with you, Scuba.
We both had awful sex this week. (I couldn't get MM, so why punish myself with not having sex?) I settled for second tier in the form of DH. It was fun meeting him, someone who was straight forward about sex. But when DH was finally in my bed, it wasn't fun learning he wasn't into kissing.
I fucked him. I used my last two condoms on that loser. The only upside to this is that I can still spray like rain while getting fucked horribly. I came on my own terms. DH was witness to that.
Do you hear that, Scuba?
I can still cum under my own terms, regardless. Learn from me.
So... as we speak, I'm off to get you a 36-pack box of condoms. I believe there's a power bottom lurking deep down your 'top persona'. Time to explore with other boys. Heal your loneliness with sex. You're free now. Perhaps I should get you a dildo in the process too.
*****
Addendum: Oh, it was fun getting a call from MM and talking for an hour. Why oh why does he play with me like this?
|
|
bravenet.com