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Monday, May 03, 2004
The Different Faces of Loneliness: part 1
I went out with *Scuba* a few weeks ago. He wanted to see my new place, and catch up on things. We went to LUB.
Amidst the loud music, Scuba's cellphone rings. He picks up. "Shit, I shouldn't have picked up." He tells me it was Shy Guy, the boyfriend. Apparently, when Shy Guy found out that Scuba was out and about in the village, and of all people, with me, Shy Guy ditched his friends and rushed to LUB to check up on us. I can't really blame Shy Guy. I'm bad influence. (Here's why... though Scuba has never really come out with the full truth to Shy Guy. It was just a kiss... wink wink.)
Anyways, our night of potential fun ended abruptly. Shy Guy leaves us but not before instructing Scuba to meet him at his bed later. On the car ride back to my place, I let it all out.
I told Scuba that he's not stupid, and he had known for over a year that Shy Guy is not the guy for him. He agreed. I went further to say that deep down, I know he's feeling lonely, that Shy Guy is his safe haven for attention and "love". I felt he is still with Shy Guy simply because he doesn't want to be alone. "It's okay." I assure him. "it's not a crime."
Loneliness is similar to happiness in some ways. Often, you don't know that you're having fun until it's over. I tell Scuba 'this' loneliness is not over that's why he hasn't realized that he has actually been lonely. I didn't expect him to agree with me as he's been in denial for some time. But he did. I was merely relaying an observation.
Just as he nod in agreement, he gave me a quick hug and booted me out of his car. I was standing in front of my building like a lost puppy, watching him drive away. I think he has had enough of my "talk". It wasn't incessant or overbearing, just the truth.
And sometimes, the truth hurts.
*****
I haven't heard from Scuba in two weeks. I fully expect him to still be with Shy Guy. Aw, the things people do to avoid loneliness.
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