|
Friday, September 03, 2004
Sexual/Physical Needs VS Emotional Needs
Over the past two weeks, I've had some intense sexual dreams. I guess this just shows how much I'm anticipating the coming of C.C. I find myself saying different catch phrases every morning upon my wake:
"Man, I need to get nailed hard and deep!"
"God, I can't wait to ram a tight hole."
"All I want is some athletic fucking... I want to sweat!."
"Can someone please stick their tongue up my bum? Urgh."
Today, my catchphrase is: "Hey, it's been awhile since I got fucked in a handstand position."
C.C. and I shared two passionate days together during Pride. The sex was amazing which consisted of 90% emotion. I find it fascinating that this is a huge contrast to my recent night dreams of raw animalistic sex which are devout of emotion. I've also been having mental pictures of cumming all over some guy's body throughout my day yesterday. It's almost ritualistic. Is this nature's way of telling me that I need to procreate and have babies?
Right now, I'm struggling to find balance between emotion and "horniness". For example, I can't wait to be in C.C.'s company. But also I can't wait to have my dick nicely tucked up in his ass, while we both fall asleep.
C.C. is set to arrive tonight. I'm looking at his visit as my opportunity to be in the company of someone real. I want to refresh my memory of what it's like. I've hungered for it.
Having said that, maybe I should give my "virgin act" a rest? Almost every guy I meet is interested in sex... which is normal because... we're guys. And while there are those who claim they're looking for a relationship, when finally faced with a prospect, they become scared finding unending reasons to run away. I'm in this guilty party too.
Last week, I went to a sex shop with a friend. I briefly contemplated getting one of those double-headed dildoes to share with C.C. I think it'll be hot. But I don't think that's the type of fun soft-spoken C.C. is open to. I don't foresee him to be sexually adventurous.
C.C.'s Visit : The Before
There are thoughts flooding my head other than sex with C.C. For instance, I wonder if our dynamic will change or if we'll simply pick up from where we left off last June. Our relationship was based on our Pride adventures, and that period has passed climax. Relationships based on high episodes of such tend not to last. As evidence, the many subsequent talks over the phone with C.C. primarily deal with simple above the surface stuff you'd converse with strangers, nothing spectacular or deep. And I'm afraid that this second time around, whatever relationship we have will be left at the door the moment he leaves my city.
*****
I thought it'd be neat to document my before and after feelings of C.C.'s visit. So there! I just expressed my present stance in writing. I didn't realize I'd be frank about the sex talk. But I guess this is partly the reason the Shower Room exists.
Come back Monday or Tuesday, and I'll tell you if this is a Harlequin romance/fairy tale or a Shakespearean tragedy.
|
|
bravenet.com