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Thursday, June 30, 2005
The Alcoholic/Addict BestFriend
At past 10:30 Friday night Pride weekend, amongst the happy energy at the Beer garden, my cell rings. I thought about ignoring her call. It's Sunshine Girl, my "bestfriend" (I use that term loosely now; we used to be very close). I have residual anger towards her for her neglect and selfishness. But, she hasn't made much effort to communicate over the past few months. So I pick up.
"Hey you!" She sounds drunk. Sunshine Girl asks me what I'm up to, I tell her I'm dancing up a storm with my friends. She overhears people hollering crazy jargon of insanity. "It's a huge party here in Church street. Come out." I invite her.
"I've got some great news to tell you..." Before I could put a word in, "- I'm engaged!" She screams with unapologetic excitement, "aaaahh!"
"Wow." I said lifelessly, my instant reply. "I'm...uhhh... happy for you." Again, I say some congratulatory words devoid of joy.
"He proposed last night. I took the day off today to celebrate." She continues to tell me about her new fiance she met six nights prior at a slimy grundgy afterhours club. She asks: "Well, what do you think?"
She's not looking for my approval. She's already told me that her parents have not taken the news very well. She's expecting me to say words to deter her. But I couldn't give her that satisfaction. I wanted to tell her that I'm not surprised by the news. I wanted to tell her that she's being stupid. I am further angered that I have merely been a pawn for her attention cravings.
I take a deep breath. Instead, I recite serenely over a thumping stereo bassline: "I'm very happy for you. You're a big girl. I just want you to know that I will always be here for you and I will never judge you."
I sensed disappointment in Sunshine Girl's voice. She ends our conversation momentarily. She has been a loose cannon, especially as of late. She certainly has the background for it, she just came out of rehab (for the 3rd time). As of Wednesday morning after a crazy weekend and a surprise scare trip to the hospital, it looks like she's on her way to rehab for the fourth time.
I tried being a proper example for her to follow, that a person can have one hell of a time without the aid of alcohol, cocaine and other party favours. I've realized that I can't help her. Only she can help herself.
For me, the most disturbing realization is that I don't really care to continue our friendship going forward. This is not to say that I don't care about Sunshine Girl. Ofcourse I do, and I want to see her get better. If she wants my help, I will help her. But I will help her not because she is my friend. I will help her because I will help anyone who asks for it.
I will never presume I can understand what goes on in the mind of an alcoholic/addict, I can only accept, show support and let them know that I will not judge. At this point, I've said all I can, there's nothing more I can do.
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