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Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Re: Wedding Invitation
When I write a post, deep down I secretly hope that I touch the hearts of the masses enough for them to take initiative to fire back emails telling me that they can relate. I suppose it is selfish of me to seek reaffirmation that I'm really not alone in my predicament.
For the past year, with a usual post, it's been a constant three or four emails a week. So imagine my surprise when with this Wedding Invitation post derived nearly 15 responses, many of which had intelligent and heartfelt words.
To track back, I will not be going to the previously mentioned wedding. My way out was to conjure up a pretend family obligation that conflicts with the Wedding date. I didn't want to ruffle feathers with a work associate but my planned escape route was the coward's way out. The emails I received made me realize that I am not overreacting.
One of the emails I received was from fellow blogger, DJ Dukeman. His situation was somewhat similar except it was his sister asking him not to bring his boyfriend to her wedding. In his e-mail, he writes:
"That one was about 6 months of heartache, prayer and debate with myself and family before I finally decided that I couldn't go in good conscience...there comes a point when you have to stand up for your own equality, even to your family. The wedding passed me by last Saturday (May 7th)."
I'm thankful that DJ Dukeman shared this story with me, but there's no trace of this in his blog. Sam from MadLife writes an interesting perspective on this subject:
"What if the tables were turned? How insane & heterophobic would you seem?" So what is the best way to deal with this? Jelle from the Netherlands writes that I am not a second class citizen and simply urged, "Please don't go." While PAS from Chicago suggested that I simply should send a quick email that I'm not interested in taking part of celebrating the wedding of a homophobe.
I don't believe my work associate is a homophobe but as Dave from Zodmicrobe writes:
"Bigotry takes all forms, and sometimes it's in just passively accepting other people's bigotry." Todd from San Francisco gives the most graceful advice:
"Most importantly, to help both yourself and educate her... when you decline, you should politely, but frankly, tell her why: that it is wrong of her to ask you to attend, but to 'pretend' to be something you're not. People need to know that if they are going to ask gay people to be second class citizens, that we are NOT going to accommodate them. Nope. No way. No more. If she wants your friendship, she better first offer her (genuine) respect and(full) acceptance."
*****
Thank you very much for the e-mails. They were eye-opening. On the upside of all this? I don't have to spend money on buying a wedding gift.
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