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Monday, May 30, 2005
Lies, Lies, Lies
On Saturday morning, I was awoken by the ringing of my cell. It was C.C. He has been calling every weekend. I haven't returned his phonecalls. My last communication with him was 2 months ago when I sent him a 'Just Because' card via airmail. He was having some problems at work and he needed some cheering up.
Call Display is either the greatest gift or the greatest curse God bestowed to mankind, depending on whether you're the one calling or receiving the call. In my case, I saw his name and didn't feel like having our usual trite conversation. (NB* Ring a bell, Iowa Boy?)
I knew the main reason C.C. was calling was that he is hoping to get together again as per last year's Pride. He's been hinting of his plans for months now. I'm definitely ready to par-tay with my American neighbours but my problem is I don't want C.C. to think that we are an 'item'. I don't want to be tied down for Pride weekend.
Call me restless, but I want a new adventure this Pride. I'm not specifically referring to hooking up with yummy American men I meet. If that adventure leads to mind-blowing sex, great. If not, networking is even better.
Last year, I approached Pride with the same mentality. No expectations, just have fun and revel in the contagious energy of the crowd. I ended up taking home a sexy couple one early morning. They took turns and I was in ecstasy while they tagteamed me on my bed. Oh, that was ecstacy.
The next afternoon, I met C.C. in the middle of the street and we just clicked. Who knew that we can have one heck of a romantic weekend amidst the sexual cannibalism that surrounded us? It was unforecasted. It was memorable. We have kept in touch ever since and have vowed to remain friends.
So imagine my dillemma when he left me a disturbing message on Saturday morning. He was quite upset. To sum up his message, it went along the lines of "we had such a great time together, you can't throw that away!" And to make matters worse, he had to use a guilt trip: "My grandmother passed away... I would like to get together with you. Please call me."
And feeling bad, I do call back. He sounds very happy on the phone. Honesty is the best policy, and right off the bat, I say: "I don't have a good excuse for not returning your messages." C.C. replies by saying he wants to hook-up for Pride. I tell him I'm flattered. He deserves to hear the truth. But instead of telling him why I have been reluctant to communicate with him, I start with a little lie.
I tell C.C. that I'm dating someone. And, I have focussed much of my energy on him hence that's part of the reason why I have not been returning phonecalls. That seemed to satisfy C.C. and it was enough for him to get the message not to expect romantic lingerings from my side. I told him I'm looking forward to dancing up a storm with him and his friends.
I cringed the whole time I told him the lie of my new signifcant other. "He's so damn lucky", C.C. says. With one lie comes another as C.C. asks for details about this invisible man that captured my heart. I lied even more. I found myself describing Rockboy, the invisible man that broke my heart.
I had to be quick: "Yeah, we've been dating for almost 3 months. He's actually out of town right now. He travels extensively for his job doing... [unnecessary details]... blah blah blah... His schedule is unpredictable. So far he'll be here for 3 weeks but will be away for the week of the 22nd to the 28th of June..."
"Hey, he's going to miss Pride weekend."
"Yeah, I know. I have to be a good boy." I tell C.C.
I lied because I did not want to be tied to C.C. Hopefully, my own lies do not tie me up, period.
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