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Sunday, April 10, 2005
The Findings of a Psychic
I'm sorry for the delay. I had to rewrite the following post, removing the more intimate details to pay respect to the privacy of my friends and family. I would've loved to have shared the barebone specifics for the better understanding of you, the visitors of the Shower Room.
With this compromise, I hope that you would still find the following reading interesting. Also, it seems that I have angered a few of you with my infrequent posts. There's no need for disparaging remarks. I wish you all well.
*****
With the company of two other friends, right off the bat, Psychic Boy asks me, "Are you angry?"
Interesting question. "No, why do you ask?"
"I sense anger." He hesitates for a second. Then, he firmly tells me: "There's so much anger in you. It's all over your body."
I don't feel anger so I'm finding this hard to accept. Psychic Boy tries to probe further to determine who I'm angry at. He names a few people, including my dad.
"But I'm not angry at these people. I love them very much." I honestly insist.
"Your heart is like a sponge. You absorb anger, rather than deflect it."
I thought to myself: 'huh?'
Psychic Boy, in his calm manner, closing his eyes from time to time to feel my energy as he held my hand, summarizes that I have Anger Repression issues. When faced with anger, I internalize. I don't let myself experience 'anger'. Since I subconsciously refuse to feel it, I am unable to let it go. It's absorbed, but never filters out. (I think that was how he explained it...)
Ofcourse, I'm in disbelief. I really don't feel angry. But as Psychic Boy pointed out: if a person truly does suppress anger, he will not be able to identify it in himself. I suppose he could be right. I have to keep an open mind. Very fascinating stuff. Hard to swallow. I had to let him continue.
I thought to myself: I can't remember ever being angry, other than towards myself.
Psychic Boy works his way from present time back to my youth, until I was a toddler. He mentions a few dates, and instances with my dad. I reply that my dad is not perfect and I still love him nonetheless.
Psychic Boy also mentions that I have so much anger for an incident that happened 18 months ago. I count back 18 months and realize indeed there was an incident involving a couple I dated for over a year. It was an HIV scare. Everything is fine now, I've forgiven and have remained good friends with the couple, and I'm HIV negative. However, it seems that there is still much residual anger from that incident.
Psychic Boy mentions many other different instances at specific times in my life where anger was prevalent. I will not go through the rest but I think the point has been made.
My philosophy has been that when something doesn't go my way, I have no one to blame but myself. Which is fine, however, it seems that I always ALWAYS put the blame on me. This way is very unhealthy. It is not always my fault. There is no need for me to blame myself every time. I need to find balance.
*****
While Psychic Boy was reading me, he made contact with three higher beings, my so-called "Guardians". He communicated with these three characters telepathically.
I was given the opportunity to ask as much questions as I would like. I was hesitant to participate. In turn, Psychic Boy asked the three guardians his own questions relating to me.
He asked about Rockboy on my behalf. "Rockboy? He's a great guy. He can be a great friend, but would be a very powerful enemy. As for a future with him, he's not the one. He does not know what he wants out of life. He's confused."
I was disappointed with the revelation, but I had to take it in with a grain of salt. Apparently, I'm going to find the love of my life at age 32, five years from now. I will come close to it at age 31, but in the meantime, I'll be dating on and off, many hits and misses.
Throughout our time together, there were times when Psychic Boy would let out a loud laugh in mid silence. Apparently, my three Guardians have a sense of humour and is cracking jokes at him to refer back to me. Towards the end of our session (it was getting late), Psychic Boy had tears running down his face. The conversation with the 'higher beings' had been very overwhelming and emotional for him.
Psychic Boy asked the Guardians to give any parting words, or anything in particular that they want to communicate to me. Psychic Boy with tears of happiness, tells me: "They told me to tell you that we [the 3 Guardians] love you very much. You are surrounded by love..."
Walking home that night, the last few words from Psychic Boy's mouth kept replaying in my head like a lullaby: "Lastly, they told me to tell you that... What you know of love... keep to it. You know it. You know love."
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