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Sunday, November 28, 2004
The Crisis: Repost
On August 29, 2003, I wrote a direct reply on my blog regarding a friend who was having a "crisis". The following is taken from that post:
...i'm glad you're going through this. i went through something like this 5 years ago. and let me tell you that it's one of the best things that i ever had to go through. it was a learning experience. i took so much from this. at the time, i was extremely unhappy and suicidal. there was no turning back. that was rock bottom. and then...
...i came out to myself.
that started the whole process of where i am in life now. i look back bittersweetly. it has been painful, but i can't believe just how beautiful life is. it really is. you have to go through this. everyone does. and i think everyone should. if you had not gone through this yet, then i would have pushed for it as it is "character building".
i hated my life. i hated myself. i hated everyone. but i wanted to be loved. so how can i get people to like me.... when i don't even like myself?
i went through a great deal of self-examination. i asked myself a lot of questions. i came up with my conclusions: i'm healthy. i'm smart. i'm capable. i was given the basic tools in life. it is up to me to determine what i would build with these tools. with time, i became comfortable with looking at myself in front of the mirror. i started eating healthy. going to the gym regularly. choosing my friends. pursuing my interests. prioritizing. one day, it became apparent. i liked the person i saw in the mirror.
i am the king of my castle, the boss of my life, the star/producer of my own sitcom. if i am unhappy with something, it's my fault. life is what i made it to be. and five years ago, i turned it into a primetime drama (with a slight touch of COPS reality show).
i hope i don't sound preachy. i surely am not living a heavenly life. it's not perfect. from time to time, i, too, have moments when i feel i am not good, smart or beautiful. it's a struggle to remind myself that it's not the case...
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