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Wednesday, August 04, 2004
Sunday's Dreamland
How does my fantasy of you compare to what transpired?
You invited me to your presence -
in the same self-preservative manner I left you 18 months ago.
And here I am comforted -
knowing you are exactly as I remember you to be.
The reality of you had not dissipated nor disappointed.
In our moment of kisses, of touch, of song -
I thought desperately of never tomorrow.
I wake up snuggled next to you underneath the sheets -
sensing the stimulating heat from your body.
Your forgotten manly scent is unsually familiar.
I've dreamt many times:
My content in having to feel your breath once more -
even for a temporary while.
Tonight, I've surpassed these dreams beyond my expectations.
Why am I not satisfied?
I watched you sleep (or pretend to sleep).
Examining the preciseness of your chin, the firmness of your chest -
thinking that perhaps if I get sick of looking at you,
I won't miss you the next day, and the day after.
And the day after that.
But I never can memorize your face.
I've tried -
it's like I always see you for the first time.
I guess I'm not emotionally prepared as I thought I would be.
But signs point to me being stronger; and, I feel fine.
Thank you for letting me indulge.
I feel sudden vulnerability - it feels rousing to be human.
Temporary invincibility worth trading,
my misery is energizing.
I am the happiest mortal in the world.
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