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Wednesday, June 23, 2004
So... Who's the Asshole?
"Don't you like me?"
"I do... but I just want to be friends." Ouch!
Rewind five minutes earlier...
"So cancel your plans and hang out with me."
"I'm sorry. I can't."
Fast forward ten minutes later...
"Why don't you want to have sex with me?"
"Honestly? I'm not physically attracted to you." Double ouch!
*****
Everyone can all relate to the above conversation somehow.
I've been the desperate pathetic guy before with questions like: "Why don't you hang out with me?" I wish there were better ways to launch a hurtful reply through less damaging means.
This past weekend, I was on the other side of the coin. I was the heartbreaker. I realized there isn't a good way to tell the truth. For a time, I always wondered if those people who broke my heart in the past had any heart to begin with. And now, I find myself come full circle. I am now the asshole. But then, my intention was not to hurt.
*****
Who's the guy?
Pink DJ, a slim, soft-hearted soft-spoken 30-year old boy I met at a bar two weeks prior. Truly, a very nice guy, but I never had intentions of taking it to the next level. I knew it from the moment we talked. My impression of him was that he was honest, kind, and deep down, I sensed loneliness. I wanted to give that lonely boy inside him a hug. Innocent as it sounds, I wanted to be his friend.
Am I a sucker for the downtrodden? I guess so.
A few days ago, Pink DJ interrogated confronted me towards venturing forth in a romantic relationship with him and even proposed sex. So, I told the truth. Also, while I did not want to hurt his feelings, I became very angry because my good intentions were clearly misinterpreted. He accused me that I lead him on and gave him wrong signals. I was insulted. I thought I was being upfront by saying I want to be friends. I have referred to friendship repeatedly. Apparently, wanting to be friends means much more in gay terms.
The last time we got together for coffee/tea, I thought it would be a good idea to change venues to a more civilized and comfortable setting. So, I suggested my apartment. We had a bonding moment at my balcony watching the sunset together. Romantic setting perhaps, but I insist that not once did I lead him on.
Everybody knows that body language is the key to finding out if the other person is interested. The three feet rule was followed all through the evening. The only time I physically touched Pink DJ was with a hug goodbye.
I'm partly to blame though. I did open up a can of worms when I sat there like a psychiatrist encouraging Pink DJ to talk about his past, present, and future. He opened up to me and I was greatly appreciative. I gave him an undetailed assessment mirroring what he has revealed to me. (I believe he is an ISFP).
I don't particularly want to be friends with Pink DJ anymore. I guess this makes me an asshole.
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