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Thursday, May 06, 2004
The Different Faces of Loneliness: part 5
So... with all this talk of Loneliness, this is my testimony on "the bigger picture". I wasn't just pouring my heart out for nuthin'.
The blogdom universe is littered with so many fascinating individuals who dress their sites with laughter, sex and fluff. But from time to time, they also share their humanity. For brevity's sake, I can't list them all:
There's the bright sunshine, Snacky, who is a tad younger but is seven-fold more accomplished than I. Like myself, he has indulged. He partied with his liver, and he has pursued varied roads: travel, sex, religion, to name a few. Recently, he has encountered a brick wall. "I'm looking for something. For what, I don't know. I just want to be impressed. I need to be. Please..." - April 27, 2004
And then there's Sissy Spacechik. He has been with his partner for 12 years and has also encountered a brick wall. "Why am I not sexually attracted to him?...I want it to, but I have no idea how... I think that's wrong. It can't be like this for the rest of my life; or can it?" - April 21, 2004
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To Snacky: Would it comfort you to know that even the most accomplished of individuals encounter the same brick wall? "There's nothing more depressing than having everything, and still feeling sad." Janet Jackson confesses this on her record, The Velvet Rope.
To Sissy: Relax, babe. This is normal. There's lots of psychological-monkey-sex mumbo-jumbo experiments that address this. After 12 years, what you're feeling is inevitable. It's hormonal more than anything else.
And to give you my take to your question on whether this monotony of life will persist, I'd like to give reference to one of the most touching films I saw in 2003, Lost in Translation. When a lonely married woman, Scarlett Johannson, establishes a bond with an older married actor, Bill Murray, she asks him if married life gets any easier. First, Bill nods no. He contemplates, and then says yes.
After 26 years, I don't think life will get any easier or any better. Perhaps, it's premature of me to be dispatching statements of this nature. I have to appreciate this brick wall for what it is. And then, be comfortable with embracing this certainty. I've come to the conclusion that only I am responsible for my own happiness.
There, that's my big revelation. Perhaps you were expecting something a tad more profound. Or maybe, this is profound on its own.
Can I enjoy this emptiness that I feel? Hey, I'm a natural optimist, so I'll be fine.
After my weekend of introversion, I awoke on a curious Monday morning. For some reason, I find myself smiling with that glimmer of hope I'm aware strangers and acquaintances usually see in my eyes.
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