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Saturday, April 24, 2004
The Case of the Ex
When I reminisce at old unphotogenic pictures of *Walking Encyclopedia*, a guy I was with at age 21, I always draw a blank of wonderment. What was I thinking? Was I that desperate for companionship?
Recently, I went down memory lane with him. This time, face-to-face. It made me remember what attracted me to him. I was flooded with good memories.
It was a wonderful rediscovery.
Dinner with *Walking Encyclopedia*, was great, nearly 4 hours passed like they were minutes. Though, I have to confess that within ten minutes of conversation, I was annoyed as I was also reminded of why I dumped him in the first place. He hasn't changed one bit. He's so predictable.
Yes, we did have great chemistry in the past. However, I realized I wasn't necessarily drawn to him physically, but rather to his intelligence. When I broke it off, we didn't talk for a year. Eventually we reconnected and bridged into becoming good friends. Looking back at my old journals, I commend myself for being able to recognize his complacency. Walking Encylopedia is a bit older.
Essentially (for me), it came down to an imbalance of interest. Oh, who am I kidding... no sugar-coating this time. Walking Encylopedia was a selfish prick too accustomed to his own set of routines to make or spare time for anyone else including me.
I've intentionally remained friends with him because of my constant desire to want to make things right. My past dictates my future, and if I can't make friendship out of an old relationship, I don't have the utilities to be in a full-pledged committed relationship. That's how I see it. Sue me.
Now, he's out of the country, (he moved away a year ago). I do miss him though. I used to stop by his office often to bring him ice cream at his desk. My visits always draw a smile on that face of his when he's stressed and overworked. He later confessed two years later that he always looked forward to seeing my 'bright spirit'.
But even with friends, there will be little things that irks us. With him, I get feelings of not being appreciated. But friendship is not about keeping score. And I am not bitter.
Walking Encyclopedia is a testament that I have grown alot. That's another reason why he remains part of my arsenal of friends. But I'm not the same 21 year old boy that he still categorizes me, particularly when it comes to sex. I had a lot of practice since then. Ahem.
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